The Scarlet Pen

I think its pretty much safe to say that EVERYTHING'S ON ME NOW! The heartbreak, the responsibility, the trust, the criticisms, the expectations EVERYTHING! I CAN'T GET A HOLD OF MYSELF ANY LONGER! Every now and then I go blank and what comes next? Tears? As much as possible I save myself from near death experiences like two weeks ago which my dad hasn't got a clue of.

Surviving is what describes me best I'm pretty much honest on that part. I'm about to fall apart and my DAD knows it very well. Either way I have to get up and live normally. Though I don't put a plastered smile nor frown. I just end up tired and bummed out of everything else. Trying futilely to comfort myself with academics and books though it paid marvelously with a 1.00 grade on my Theology but at that moment I don't seem to grasp anything. *sigh

I won't last long if I continue with this act, I'm not the best actress around nor the best in containing myself. I had it! I've had enough already! I can only cry once in a while and then sleep. TIREDNESS AND PAIN WRAPPED INTO A BALL TIED WITH A RIBBON ON A SILVER PLATTER. If "you" are enjoying this well happy feasting! Enjoying? Of course you are! Laugh out loud my dear! Sing to the Heavens thank whoever you want to! I can very much tell your smiling right now with me all wretched. HAH! DESERVING AM I? I KNEW THAT SINCE I WAS BORN FOR YOUR INFORMATION! HAPPY MUCH? GOOD FOR YOU! YOU NEED IT SINCE YOU DROWN IN YOUR MISERY EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY HAPPINESS! OBVIOUSLY I'M TIRED, HURT, STRUGGLING AND FOR YOUR PERSONAL CONTENTMENT HARDLY ABLE TO BREATHE BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG I MAYBE IN MY DOWNFALL BUT I WON'T GIVE UP FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYTHING! AND MOST ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOUR LAUGHING TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT! I MAY NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL LIKE WHAT YOU DID BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS I CAN TAKE YOUR HELL ANY DAY!

Sorry for such vulgar words, I'm on the edge. OF EVERYTHING INCLUDED.

Weekender :D *sniffs :'(

Oh well better crank up the books and notes for monday. Miss Macapagal didn't go easy on me. *sigh MISS BEAUTY QUEEN??? where the heck did that come from!!Oh yeah I have a tiara which is my headband! *sigh History was kinda like bed time stories if your not that interested and didn't review the topic. Along the way I got nominated as Vice President but I'm still thinking about it.

Got to meet a whole bunch of people from the block :D there's my seatmate Sheena, an Otaku named Jam also a cosplayer, vincent the bookworm who I think boasts his knowledge (still he can't beat bene :P), Leira the acting class president, Kyle the silent basketball dude, Rachele the pretty witty, Christian the over kulit at the same time "migrating" freak known as ROTC, Jaemy textmate and co-sun user haha, Grace my girlfriend in ROTC, Ton-Ton MY KUYA valedictorian, Sham a wise basketball dude.

*sigh I find it hard to cope somehow. Weird that I find enjoyment with studies than my blockmates tsk. Is that bad? I don't think so its nice for a change. I'm not speaking with broken hearted dude its just that I don't use academics as my cure for that enough! hahaha tama na!!! tsk. Its tita's birthday tomorrow :D hahaha Currently been into a lot of freaky happenings refer to my facebook page :D

I have to thank a lot of people for this week namely aina, haidee, joyce, tristan, regi, alex, leslie, julie, anji, aldridge, ghuzmarie, my blockmates, nicole guevarra, ddr, starbucks, food lots of it, sweets, etc God and Picasso (I mean it no joke, I'll always love you! :)) *screams :) <3

Have a Great Weekend!
God Bless!!!

Hello Pile of Limited stash :P but......

Talk about first day! Oh well , came early to school and got to start the day with my Literature professor Miss Macapagal to which everyone found out to be snobby. (I find that fact true) Except that she's so good! I mean it I was literally blown away! After that rather traumatic encounter to which I can't get over I met Inna Caylao a student from St. Mary's we got to talk all through the next period which turned out to be free since prof's absent. We also got the chance to know about political parties and I happen to pick one which is GAP. I'll be attending the orientation tomorrow then buy something. :)

Also I met up with a few nice people like Lyka whose quite in to cute guys and her schoolmate Ronald who apparently is always at Lyka's back and Sam the quiet student from a Chinese school. I got to call him malandi all because of an umbrella hahahaha xD eventually that was changed into "pards". I also got some KPOP charm in my class to which is uto-uto, I don't blame him though since he merely understands tagalog and I feel kinda guilty for leaving him with the wrong crowd.

It was generally tiring and I have to start up with a whole lot of stuffs to be prepared for friday's discussion!! Oh crap! Oh and I'll be meeting with another "terror" Dr. Co. Though I find it challenging in a sense to keep up with profs here and there :P

Oh and I'm thinking of joining the performing arts group, since they've swept me off my feet earlier with there "real" antics. I'll tell all about that some other time for now. This is where I start.

For the record, I'm doing all of this with a torn soul and a broken heart. :(

This Side Up

Talk about near death experiences huh? I don't wanna talk about it. I'm only human anyway.

They have to understand that. Oh well what now? Back against the wall? Am I? hah! Hell no!!

I'm HANGING BY A DARN THREAD! shit! I don't know well maybe because uhm. I don't really want to get specific with things it makes me drop dead all of a sudden. How do I sleep? Lying down of course!!! XD

Well I'm the villain around here to begin with. tsk I always am. There's nothing left to do but to be the daredevil I am. Sink or Swim and Do or Die. Only now its not a game. It never was. *sigh what to do what to do. hmmmmmmmm do what I do best and what I'm known for :D

I seem so positive? Well yeah. ICU scared the crap outta my system. Damn hard to believe I went from a human being to a cold hard vegetable. :| Better learn the art of controlling tears (is there such a thing?) Well Mom took me out to relax my soul, well I was on my own for the most part.

Oh well. *crash something broke. wait. its my heart. :(

SPLAT :|

Seriously what the hell am I playing at? I can't just go running onto someone and fall over and tell them its nothing. *sigh I understand it but, its hard for me. Being in a situation where I can barely move and say anything, without getting hurt. I wish to disappear. That's all I can say but somewhat I can't.

This post is nothing but scatter brain. There's really nowhere for me to run off to. No one to turn on to. Well better no one when all I ever do is scream and thrash that's much better than hurting anyone. :| Well I'm off to the province tomorrow and into a wedding to which I personally grew lazy to even attend. Somehow, I think I'm into something I'm not. Which is kinda scary but Oh man! Its hard to explain! :P I just can't bear this much pain at once, Its like killing myself. (So as long as they don't feel it, I'm good)

Oh well another long week for me :]

Ja'

PS its ok to cry, I have to remember that :)

The Boy and The Girl Under the gray sky (Frenemy)

Everyone's depressed right now! Even me! Oh come on who wouldn't be! Well I

basically spent the entire day with the TV watched Gakuen Alice and got all inspired

and here comes the Avalanche, Watched Gossip Girl Finale and got depressed over Chuck and Blair's story and here comes Glee with the same theme. Hah! Talk about depression!

anyway its just swinging on by me.

But with every sickness there is a cure, Managed to talk to baby brod which kinda explains my superhero of the day in twitter :P On to the point I need to get a move on with this sad tired life

of mine. I mean it, it just gets sicker and sicker by the moment and God knows why. Maybe this is my own personal bragging rights but I guess I need to put a stop onto things that are tiring me, the irony is I can't. And why is that? Ding Dong we have a winner, Oh yes because the PAIN IS ALSO THE CURE!!! That's just much about it, like a raw fish out of water and into some guy's sushi platter :)

Why do I still smile? Guess I just can't let it get through me huh, but still he gives my strength too much credit, true I got over "that" but I can barely stand that time! Nor can I even utter a single word to him or about him. I hate it when he does that, telling me I can make it when I'm on my knees, well I guess its that part of him and me that makes me get up as of now huh? That competitive side of me, waiting to prove him wrong, and stick my head high in the sky.

Well should I go? Yes. In the end of that conversation under the rain, my enemy said something unsaid "You can run to me, when it all goes down". Yes. Weird I know but that was enough to help me get up, not like Dude's words though but they did the trick, I guess I better take the chance huh? :)

Oh and well I'm prepared to move out of France and into Vienna, Austria :) Something I've decided early this morning.