The Scarlet Pen

I think its pretty much safe to say that EVERYTHING'S ON ME NOW! The heartbreak, the responsibility, the trust, the criticisms, the expectations EVERYTHING! I CAN'T GET A HOLD OF MYSELF ANY LONGER! Every now and then I go blank and what comes next? Tears? As much as possible I save myself from near death experiences like two weeks ago which my dad hasn't got a clue of.

Surviving is what describes me best I'm pretty much honest on that part. I'm about to fall apart and my DAD knows it very well. Either way I have to get up and live normally. Though I don't put a plastered smile nor frown. I just end up tired and bummed out of everything else. Trying futilely to comfort myself with academics and books though it paid marvelously with a 1.00 grade on my Theology but at that moment I don't seem to grasp anything. *sigh

I won't last long if I continue with this act, I'm not the best actress around nor the best in containing myself. I had it! I've had enough already! I can only cry once in a while and then sleep. TIREDNESS AND PAIN WRAPPED INTO A BALL TIED WITH A RIBBON ON A SILVER PLATTER. If "you" are enjoying this well happy feasting! Enjoying? Of course you are! Laugh out loud my dear! Sing to the Heavens thank whoever you want to! I can very much tell your smiling right now with me all wretched. HAH! DESERVING AM I? I KNEW THAT SINCE I WAS BORN FOR YOUR INFORMATION! HAPPY MUCH? GOOD FOR YOU! YOU NEED IT SINCE YOU DROWN IN YOUR MISERY EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY HAPPINESS! OBVIOUSLY I'M TIRED, HURT, STRUGGLING AND FOR YOUR PERSONAL CONTENTMENT HARDLY ABLE TO BREATHE BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG I MAYBE IN MY DOWNFALL BUT I WON'T GIVE UP FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYTHING! AND MOST ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOUR LAUGHING TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT! I MAY NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL LIKE WHAT YOU DID BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS I CAN TAKE YOUR HELL ANY DAY!

Sorry for such vulgar words, I'm on the edge. OF EVERYTHING INCLUDED.